You’re Never Too Old to Start Something Different

We're told our 40s are the beginning of the end. I made it the start of everything.

Note: This blog was written last year. I've have more to add to my "wild" list!

Myth-busting: “Too old” to date/glow-up

“Too old” to date isn’t a thing for women, despite common opinions. I’ve talked before about the double standard women face. I’ll also admit that I was initially a hard sell on trying to date again, and I still feel that way on occasion; though that opinion is reserved only for myself, not in reference to anyone else. I think it comes from the fact that I was a wife for such a long time that I didn’t feel like I could be anything else in a relationship. That was problem #1. It took several conversations with a few people close to me that saw me spiraling to realize that I could be something else and do something else. 

Y’all. When I tell you that I struggled with this concept, I don’t think you can truly conceptualize the comical level that this battle was for me. It took a lot for me to get back out there, and it took no time at all for me to pull myself back. I tried many times to allow a conversation with the potential of going on a date, but I failed more often than not. I learned that I needed to process my split more and concentrate on my own personal growth first before I was able to go on an actual date and be a person instead of an awkward mess.

My list of “wild” things (so far)

Once I got past my neurotic nonsense, I managed to step outside and do things that I wanted to do. At this point in time, my kids were fairly grown, so the split coupled with independent young adults gave me A LOT of free time. Here’s a list of a few things I’ve gotten into (so far)...

• I (almost) had a one-night-stand. There’s quite a story here. I met a friend for a drink one night and while she was picking up several different guys, I met one by accident. We started by making small talk, then moved to quirky and awkward flirting. Instead of calling a car and going home alone, I ended up in his truck and he drove me. We had a fantastic night (I’ll spare the details), and I thought I would never hear from him again. Let me tell you, I was apprehensive to have my first one-nighter, but it turned out that we liked each other a little more than that. Needless to say, he turned out to be a great guy, but not relationship material, which was a good thing because that is not what I needed at all.

  
  

• I chopped off my hair (and immediately regretted it). Less of a story, but many of us have done it. Why do we think a breakup should equal a haircut? Thankfully, I didn’t cut it too too short. Let me tell you, I walked into the salon with the confidence of a middle-aged white man and requested several inches be removed from my long, chocolate brown hair. I sat and celebrated my conviction until I felt the weight of that first cut drop to the floor. Then I silently panicked and bit my lip as the rest was done. I was polite; it wasn’t my stylist’s fault I was an idiot, I paid and then tried not to cry as I walked to my car and repeated in my head that my hair grows fast.

  
  

• I went on dates. The backstory here is that while I have been on dates before, I wasn’t an avid or experienced dater. I enjoy the time I have to myself, and I’m never looking or out with the intent of finding a counterpart. Most of the time I’m surprised when anyone talks to me at all. I digress… I went out on dates. I let friends set me up. I tried a dating app for about a week (it was horrifying). Here’s what I learned: I hate it. Again, this is all my opinion and only pertains to me. I don’t like the introductory conversations, there’s only so many times I want to explain what I do for a living or what my hobbies are. I’d rather be walking my dogs or painting. All this to say, I determined dating was probably not for me.

  
  

• I stayed in a fancy hotel all by myself. I’ve made a habit of this, and it was another challenging thing I made a conscious effort to wrap my head around. Once every few months I staycation at a swanky hotel. I take myself out to dinner, I wander around and do touristy things, and I sleep without an alarm. It’s truly magical. If you have the ability to do so, I highly recommend it. I spend time focused on me instead of my kids, my career, or anything else I’m usually zeroed in on. Don’t get me wrong, it feels VERY selfish. You might need to practice. I’m certain that the first time will be difficult for some of you because it was for me, but DO IT. You deserve it.

  
  

• I went to Italy. This was the most extravagant thing I have ever done. One of those wonderful people who managed to coerce me out of the sorrow I was drowning myself in asked one day while she and I were watching a movie, “Wanna go to Italy?” and the rest is history. We planned that trip in the span of 15 minutes. Italy was incredible. I ate amazing food. I cried in the Sistine Chapel. I ran around Rome and spoke Italian (almost) like a local. I learned so many new things and met so many new people. I soaked up art and architecture, and history. I got a new tattoo. I felt more free and more alive than I ever have before. Another recommendation: TRAVEL. Pick up and go anytime you can. Big trips, small trips, who cares? Get up and get out. Have new experiences!

  
  

Because in all honesty, what would you do if fear didn’t win? Give that some serious thought. Maybe you’re not ready to take big steps yet, that’s okay. Start small, and do things that are good for you and make you happy. Taking a little time for yourself is never a bad thing. But girl… DON’T CUT YOUR HAIR. Unless you have split ends, then a trim is absolutely necessary. 😉